Wifey vs Matey…Who Really Wins the War?

Most people born and raised in beautiful Jamaica know this popular song by ZJ Liquid. This song seemed to have been the tipping point of a boost in popularity of the concept of wifey and matey. The terms are different depending on the society in which you live. In America, for instance, the wifey is the main chick and the matey is the side chick. Nevertheless, the concept remains the same. Almost all dancehall and reggae artistes have some song based on the theme. Check out this song released by Vanessa Bling last year. We can’t deny the fact that infidelity has been around for centuries. However, the fact that popular media and society in general promote acceptance of a woman being either a wifey or matey concerns me. Are we saying that it is impossible for a man to remain faithful to one woman? Are we saying that women should subject themselves to the status of either wifey or matey and just learn to accept that?

Before the men start to attack me, let me just say that a similar concept applies to how some women interact with men. Some women have what they call a “side piece” and their main hubbies. Whether you are male or female, straight or gay, the fact that it is deemed okay to have a side and main companion is disturbing.

Relationships in the 21st century are a joke. It’s all about playing games…staying with someone for as long as he or she remains interesting. When the interest fades, the trend is either to fade away or stick with him or her while finding intrigue somewhere else. Yes, we know that there are many fish in the sea. So many women to choose from who are willing to give you what you want. So man men who are just as easily willing to do the same. But, a line has to be drawn. There must be some value placed in the concept of a relationship…in the idea of true love. It is possible to make a relationship work and make your main chick/man your only partner.

CHOOSE to Love Your Partner

You may not be married, but if you’re in a serious relationship choosing to love your partner puts your relationship on the same level as marriage. Love isn’t easy. There will be times where your partner irritates you. There will also always be something your partner lacks because no one is perfect. We have to learn to love our partners both in their perfections and imperfections. If you choose to love, you would never make a choice that would hurt your partner.

Don’t Use Another Person as a Scapegoat

Some of us like to hold on to that special friend of the opposite sex who we are maybe just a little bit too attached to. Even if there is no underlying sexual tension, you should never discuss the issues of your relationship with someone else. Your partner should be your best friend and confidante. Any problems you have with the relationship should be shared with him or her. Stop using another person as a scapegoat. That same person could eventually lead you down a path you never thought you’d go on. Before you know it, he or she becomes the side piece you shouldn’t have.

Learn to Be Independent

God has blessed each of us with a brain and the ability to make something of ourselves. Regardless of your background or the circumstances in which you were raised, there is always a way for you to gain your own independence. It takes blood, sweat and tears, but knowing that you put in the work yourself to get to where you want to be is an amazing feeling. You should never have to be a man or woman’s side piece in order to make it in life. You’re better than that. Place some value on yourself and your life.

Get Out of a Relationship that Isn’t Working

The reality is that some people just aren’t right for each other. Many couples realize this from very early in the relationship, but choose to ignore the warning signs because of the butterflies they feel when they’re around each other. Get a grip on yourself and face reality. If you are unsatisfied, talk to your partner about it. If the issue can’t be worked out, leave. Don’t wait until he proposes and you’re in the troughs of marriage before you take action. It is possible to find someone who is a better fit for you. It may take time, but the person is out there. Let go.

Don’t Get Complacent

As time progresses, it’s easy to get too comfortable with your partner. Getting too comfortable often results in the relationship becoming stagnant. A stagnant relationship leads to wandering eyes and impulse decisions that lead to relationships outside of your own. Don’t get complacent. Work with your partner to keep the spice alive.

Remember that You are Your Own Individual

Many people lose themselves in relationships. Their partners become their lifelines, their heart beats. Become too clingy and absorbed in another person can lead to him or her feeling suffocated. That person will look for a breath of fresh air somewhere else. Give your partner space. Live your own life and incorporate your partner. Be your own person.


We need to stop this wifey and matey foolishness. In the grand scheme of things, neither wifey nor matey wins the war.  Stop playing games and start learning to enjoy life with one and only one person.


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