There was a period in my life where I was so angry with and disappointed in God. For my entire life until my second year of university I believed with very great conviction that God wanted me to be a medical doctor. I worked so hard to ensure that I did my part to make that fall into place and I trusted that God would do the rest. At the end of sixth form, I applied for medical school and was instead accepted into the Pure and Applied Sciences program. After going through an extremely rough and depressing first year, I reapplied for medicine and guess what? I got accepted for a program that was well out of my father’s budget. After all of my effort my only question was….God, where are you? How could you have told me this and cause this to happen?
I could have allowed that experience to make me bitter but instead I decided to make the most of my university experience and really get involved. This allowed me to evolve as a person and after all was said and done I believe that God did not allow medicine to work out for me for that very reason…so that I could EVOLVE. You see, if I had been in medical school I would never have had many of the experiences and adventures I have had. I also would not have been able to become actively involved in my church. So, it really is not that God wasn’t there…He was always there but He wanted to steer me on another path to accomplish a greater purpose.
No one who I know really knows or understands the struggles my family has gone through. No one knows the times when there was hardly any food in the house and the years my mom went without a job. Many close family friends were probably wondering where God was in our situation. However, He was right there and truly manifested Himself in the strength and courage my mother displayed through it all.
I am learning and embracing the true value and meaning of faith. Faith is believing that even though life is not happening according to your agenda, God has everything under control. Faith is understanding that you will never be able to understand everything that is or is not happening in your life but knowing that in the end everything will be fine.
Also, we have to be able to quickly identify when bitterness is seeping into our lives. Bitterness is a big wall that prevents us from evolving into better people. Some people may become bitter through grief as they wonder why God would chose to take away their family members. Others may become bitter due to envy of others and still others may become bitter for the same reasons I did. However, never lose sight of the fact that God sees the bigger picture and the only way that you can truly become who you’re meant to be is if you have faith and trust Him to take control.