People who know me well know that I love to talk about relationships and “lovey-dovey” issues. However, what many of them don’t know is the immense wisdom I have garnered from the relationships I have been in whether they be intimate or platonic. What I am about to say may be things that have been said time and again but I believe that many young women have not come to realise these fundamental truths about finding the right partner and knowing who really is worthy of receiving the key to your heart.
DO NOT Give Into the Loneliness Bug
There is this thing that I like to call the ‘loneliness bug” that has caused me to make some irrational and regretful decisions. There have been two main stages in my life where I have been extremely lonely and almost on the verge of suicide. The first stage occurred when I was in fifth form and began to develop this feed into my “no relationship with daddy” complex. I could not get out of my head (and still can’t) the one time when my grandmother told me that my dad never wanted me. I won’t get into my relationship with my dad but her saying that made me feel like I really had no purpose or right to be here. It was at this point that I really began to truly fully notice people in my year group finding love and comfort in each other and I began to wonder…why can’t I have that too? This led me to start viewing my friends differently and praying to God to direct me to the guy who would be ‘the one’ for me. I believe that this loneliness led me to pursue feelings that I had not given myself time to process. So, I ended up in a relationship with my best friend…a relationship that was good while it lasted but I’ll express some thoughts about that in another blog.
The second stage occurred when I had just broken up with my boyfriend of four years. I was LONGING for that connection and intimacy with someone again so I started to show interest in someone I knew wasn’t right for me and when that interest wasn’t reciprocated I got attached to the first guy who pursued me….big mistake. That led to more hurt than good and I finally started ‘talking’ to someone who started to pursue me thereafter. He was THERE for me and because he was there I gave him my heart….another big mistake.
Learn to Process Your Feelings
The biggest mistake we as women make is to jump into relationships with men because we feel this stirring inside of us because of something he did or because he happened to be there for us in a particular time of need. Those feelings may actually be feelings of gratitude and care for the person rather than feelings of real intimacy. I am now beginning to understand that TRUE intimacy occurs when two people are not only connected to the Source (God) but also are so connected to each other that they’re able to know and understand each other’s dreams and desires. Don’t jump into something until you feel that connection…until the relationship you share is a deep connection between two friends.
Guard Your Heart
“Above everything else guard your heart, because from it flow the springs of life.” (Proverbs 4:23)I never truly understood this verse until I read a novel by Karen Kingsbury about a month ago. Guarding your heart means that you don’t allow a man to enter and toy with your emotions just because you don’t want to be alone. It means not giving any man the key to your heart until he pursues you like “a dying man in a desert” and shows that he is willing to love you as much as or more than you love him. It means allowing God to nurture your feelings and desires so that, when the time is right, the love you share with your man will be one that springs forth with life.
I am not writing these things to broadcast my life. Instead, I am writing them because as I get older am truly beginning to understand these fundamental truths and I believe that there are women out there who need to understand them as well. Love can be a beautiful thing when given to the right person.